The Baby Conventions

You know what the Geneva Conventions of 1929 were? So in 1947 the babies of the world got together and made up the Baby Conventions. These were a set of rules that all babies have to act a specific way, in order to protest unfair treatment at the hands of their parents. Here are some of their rules:

1) Do not go to sleep for the night until 10:30 or 11:00. If you do so for more than four and a half months, you will be kicked out of the Baby Union.

2) Scream at random times in the middle of the night, or in between feedings and naptimes, in order to confuse your parents. Scream and scream and scream for at least forty-five minutes, or until you have been passed from your father to your mother, from your mother to your father and back again, at least three or four times.

3) Reach for anything and everything that your parents did not give you to play with. Show that that you want equal treatment as part of the family and will not tolerate simple baby toys or books.

4) Insist on being played with and not playing by yourself, unless you have a babysitter who is learning/ learned on you.

5) Insist on being held when your parents eat, and reach for their food. Also insist on being held for at least forty-five minutes right when your parents arrive home. Do not let your parents clean, cook, or accomplish anything else while you are awake.

Many Things

The problem with blogging is that I always think of such great things to post, but by the time I get both a chance to sit down AND an internet connection, they have all flown away from me. I have so many things to say, but none of the ones occurring to me right now are appropriate for telling the world. So, a certain girl by the name of M (or S14, her other alias) will just have to email me personally. Especially since I don't think anyone else (excepting the Admou"r Creedmoor, of course) reads this blog anymore.

Which is a shame, of course. But it also makes me feel less guilty when I can't post. As they say, life goes two ways.

Potatoes

Potatoes should be #1 kitniyot product. They make a flour that looks like wheat flour, much more than rice, peas, corn, and other such products.

To Fall Asleep...

Drink warm milk spiked with some oxytocin. The downside is that sometimes you will wake up only a little bit later. But at any rate, it will most probably get you some sleep. Or, you can overwork yourself and not sleep or eat enough. Either one works. Good luck!

Reasons for Absence

I know I have been delinquent in attending to this blog. Even though I often have interesting ideas for posts, and lofty ideas to tell you, I never have the patience to turn on the computer, plug it in, and connect to the internet. To be honest, I don't have patience for email, either. I check my email, make sure there isn't anything urgent or important, reply to perhaps one person a day (if today isn't your day, you might get a response tomorrow or next week), and sign off. Oh, and I check my bank information and test marks on the internet, too.

One of the reasons for this is that I have to type up papers. Doing so requires discipline and a computer. And frankly, when you start to associate the computer with your yet-to-be-completed projects, then the computer starts to take on an unpleasant association. So naturally, you want to stay away from it.

The other reason is that I have just been busy. The two projects mentioned before were completed and handed in before R"C Shvat, B"H. But I still have other projects - projects that I am afraid to push off, for fear that they won't get finished, ever. Not only do I want to finish everything this year, so that I can get my degree, but I am also afraid of falling prey to the trend that takes so many others. The trend is as follows: taking five, six, or more years to finish up your projects, and/or having to come in one day a week to take a course that you either didn't take or didn't pass, when you already have two or three kids. NOT my idea of fun, especially since without a degree, you get paid practically a negative salary. So - I have till Pesach (this is what I'm giving myself) to finish any and all avodot that are due now. The stuff for classes I take currently - I want to see if I can finish before, but that requires asking the teacher for the assignment, and if I end up doing it when it is assigned, the world will not come to an end. BUT I do need to finish projects that were given up until this past semester. So, wish me luck.

I do intend, upon finishing the vast majority of these projects, to start blogging more often. But again, I can't promise.

Under Pressure

I have two projects that, if I hand them in late until Rosh Chodesh Shvat, I have to pay 50 shekels. However, if I hand them in late after Rosh Chodesh Shvat (ie, more than one year after the course), then I have to pay 250 shekels.

Thank G-d, one is done and waiting (for a while, actually), and the other one I am now in the middle of, with my motivation being the saving of 200 shekels. It's not that I couldn't afford it if I wanted to put it off, thank G-d. It's just that I am a bit stingy..and have always been. Well, now it comes in handy. So, I am translating and revising my project, and Y. is kind enough to help me find the mekorot for the footnotes (and was kind enough to give me ideas, as well). The countdown begins...can I hand it in on time?

Wish me luck...

(The good thing is that now these projects will get done, because I'd like to finish everything this year, get my degree, and not have to worry about it next year. Actually, I'd like to finish before Rosh Chodesh Adar 1. But that remains to be seen...)

This IS Arson

A partial view of the forest on Har Carmel, before the fire.

Firefighters working to sustain the fire on Har Carmel.

The enormous fire that has raged since Thursday in the Carmel is arson. Arson, by Arab terrorists. Perhaps that is not how it started - it started by two stupid boys' negligence. But its continuation was aided by Arabs, celebrated by Arabs, and those same Arabs purposely started other fires in the rest of Israel, during the crisis. This is not the first time. There are other terrorists who have used arson as their weapon.

But I must say one thing: If you celebrate the fire and encourage it, then do not have the chutzpa to claim this land. Granted, you don't seem to have any value for human life. But if this land is so precious to you, then you shouldn't be celebrating when thousands and thousands of hundred-year-old trees catch fire. Get out of here, you lying thieves. Get out of here, and don't come back. Don't show your faces again - not here, not drowned in the sea - not anywhere. Jump off the same cliff they pushed the goat to Azazel off of - and be smashed to smithereens before you reach halfway down the cliff. (In other words - a standard Israeli curse, more appropriately phrased.)

To end on a positive note - thank you to all those internationally who helped, and continue to help us fight this fire. Thank you, on behalf of the entire nation.

And thanks to Hashem, who finally decided to help us fight the fire - and hopefully, the North is getting more drenched than Yerushalayim is.

May we soon see the day when there will be no more terror, no more lying, cheating, stupid Muslim terrorist organizations, and the world will recognize that Israel is the land of the Jews, from thousands of years past, and until forever.

And may we see a winter drenched in rain, with perhaps a moderate [in Israeli terms] amount of snow, and the Kinneret overflowing.

Old Posts

I looked at my drafts and discovered quite a few old, and probably unfinished posts that were pretty decent. However, though probably unfinished with regards to the thought processes that created them, they sound quite complete when you read through them. With this in mind, I posted them. Feel free to take a look - or not, if you so choose.'

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Smicha

Regular Chabad-bochur smicha is usually done in about a year. It includes Shabbos, Taaruvos, Basar B'chalav, and Melicha. That is, I think that's what it includes. However, Shabbos is a substitute for treifos, and without treifos, bochur-smicha is no smicha at all.

At any rate: this program is usually done in about a year, half a year for those who are more serious, and for those who are serious and/or studious and also smart, two to four months is sufficient. I would add that were these bochurim to be married, the program would probably take a bit more time, simply because they probably wouldn't be sitting in yeshiva from morning to evening. Enough said. (BTW, this smicha is referred to as "yoreh yoreh", whereas rabbanim have "yadin yadin".)

Chabad rabbanim, apparently, learn real bochur-smicha more b'iyun, with the commentaries, and generally have a knowledge of hilchos Shabbos, as well. This, I assume, probably takes two to three years, and probably around one year for the more serious/smart group, or possibly for the iluy, only six months. Whatever, point made.

Smicha, as in, to be a moreh horaa, in Israel, however, takes about five or six years on average. The reason for this is the required curriculum: 1) Issur v'heter (basar b'chalav, melicha, taaruvos, bishulei aku"m), 2) Shabbos, 3) Nidda, 4) Mikva'ot, 5) Kiddushin, 6) Eiruvin, 7) Aveilut (kria, aninut, aveilut). Ha! This takes five to six years with a program - without one, I would assume longer. Anyone, in my opinion, who thinks that they can do it in eight months, is nuts. I think a year/year and a half, is a miracle, and two or three years for a smart, serious, person might be plausible.

May I not forget to add that if you want to be a rav, you also need shimush (and possibly also dayanut, depending).

Oh, and the father of one of my friends offered to give me bochur-smicha if I came to him after learning the material and passed the tests (he's the one who told me what bochur-smicha included). He said it's not really hard, all you need is time and motivation. One day...

The Question is Where

I don't mind a mess. But sometimes, the mess can get too much. Last night, I started feeling claustrophobic - I felt like everything was a balagan. Guess what? Move the hat, move the backpack - and the room looks decently neat. For this reason, I was told, "Chana, I moved TWO things. TWO things do not constitute a mess."

That's true. Two things aren't a mess. That made me think, and after about three minutes I realized that, at least for me, the problem seems to be where the mess is - not how big it is, or what it's made of.

For example:

- a backpack on the couch is messy; a backpack on the floor, leaning against the couch, is practically invisible.

- two shoes together, by the wall, is fine; two shoes - not together - in the middle of the floor, is not fine.

- pajamas strewn messily on the floor are annoying; pajamas strewn in the same manner on the bed are not noticed.

- an unemptied mikva bag on the couch is messy, but I will happily empty an unemptied mikva bag that is hanging in the bathroom.

- a hat on the table is annoying; a hat on top of two stacked hatboxes that are sitting on the floor against the wall isn't a problem.

- a chair in the middle of the floor is disastrous; the same chair against a wall (not where it belongs, either) can sit there for days and I won't care.

- clothes strewn on the desk are a Problem; clothes strewn in the same fashion on the desk chair are not.

- two socks on top of each other in the middle of the floor are fine; the same socks in different places on the floor are messy.

- sfarim on the couch are an awful mess; sfarim on the table are in their second home.

- a bucket in the corner of the living room is not okay; a bucket by the head of my bed is [unfortunately] not noticed.

- dirty dishes on the counter are disgusting; dirty dishes in the sink can sit there (until my overly-sensitive nose takes offense, which usually takes about six hours of them sitting there).

- and so on.

Basically, what I learned last night was something that I've known for a while, but haven't been able to properly define. I live in a mess, albeit an organized mess. The problem, as I would assume it is for most people is not about "what", but about "where" and "how". Many people would define papers strewn all over a desk as messy - but who would call those same papers messy, when stacked in an imperfect pile? It's not the papers that are inherently the problem; it's how they look and where they are that bothers us. Or rather, bothers those who find papers bothersome.

It's not the kid who's tugging your shirt that bothers you; it's the fact that he's doing it while you're talking on the phone to your best friend that's the problem. In other words - not who, but when. Most people, unfortunately, confuse the who/what with the when/where/how.

Often, I do it, too. It's not that I don't appreciate when my mother/MIL ask me semi-personal or personal questions. It's how and when those questions are asked that determine my reaction. If my MIL had asked these questions when I first met her, I would have considered her a nosy busybody who it's best to avoid. If she asked them in a tone of voice that said she didn't care (how), didn't respond appropriately (how), or didn't allow me time to respond (when), then I would not want to share information with her. And the same, obviously, for my mother. If I don't talk to my mother a lot, it's not because of who she is (my mother), but rather because of how she responds, when she asks, and how she reacts, long term, to the fact that I shared information with her.

If your kid sister "is a pest", chances are that she is not the pest (who), but rather her actions at that moment (when) or in that fashion (how) are annoying you. There aren't "good" kids, and there aren't "bad" kids. There ARE kids who know "when" and "how" to act, and "where" which actions are appropriate. So...labeling kids is not a good idea, and calling the house (what) a mess isn't a good idea, either. The question, rather, is how the kid's actions are problematic, and how the house is a mess - which, of course, will also lead you to correcting the when and where of the problem, as well.